


Step Forward, Step Back

by S8rah



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Coming of Age, Gay, M/M, Teen Angst, adaption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-06 03:21:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13402377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S8rah/pseuds/S8rah
Summary: Gerard is a 17-year-old who believes he is a psychopath. He kills animals as a hobby, but grows bored of the practice. He decides he wants to try killing a human. He settles on Frank, a quiet, rebellious 17-year-old classmate with issues of his own. Frank proposes they run away together, hoping for an adventure away from his turbulent home-life, and Gerard agrees with the intention of finding an opportunity to kill him. They embark on a road trip across England, and begin to develop a relationship neither one of them was expecting.This somewhat familiar teenage experience takes a more nihilistic turn as Gerard exhibits a rapidly forming sociopathy that threatens both of their futures. He harbours violent fantasies and begins to act on them, while Frank remains as wilfully ignorant for as long as he can, blinded by young love.Step Forward, Step Back is an fan adaptation of the graphic novel (and now British TV series) 'The End of the F***ing World" by Charles Forsman.  However all writing is my own, as are the versions of Frank and Gerard as characters.





	Step Forward, Step Back

**Author's Note:**

> Step Forward, Step Back is an fan adaptation of the graphic novel (and now British TV series) 'The End of the F***ing World" by Charles Forsman. However all writing is my own, as are the versions of Frank and Gerard as characters.

For a 17 year old, Gerard wasn't looking so good. Perpetually pale, the colour contrasted by his dark hair and choice of clothes, he stuck out like a sore thumb in the school canteen. As he sat on one of the cold hard plastic chairs, headphones blissfully drowning out the din of the rest of the school exchanging the latest gossip over their lunch, he was thinking about whether or not he would be considered a psychopath. 

When he was eight, Gerard had realised he didn't really have a sense of humour. His father used to sit with him at the lunch table, casting a watchful eye over his progress through his slightly stale ham sandwich. Gerard would stare into space, just as he was doing now, while his poor father would attempt to spur any kind of enthusiastic conversation with a series of puns and old jokes. Eight year old Gerard would simply roll his eyes over from the window to his dad, expression stony, one elbow on the table, face leaning in his hand. His father tried his hardest to be a good dad, but life was difficult when your son made himself so hard to love. Gerard had always wanted to punch him in the face, to wipe that smile off and make him shut up once and for all. 

When he was nine, his dad bought a deep fat fryer. He had seen it on an American shopping channel and has thought that it would be a great addition to the kitchen. One day, Gerard decided to put his hand in it. He had wanted to make himself feel something, ripple the waters of his still emotional pool. It left him with second-degree burns and a month of recovery, making him feel nothing at all. 

When he was fifteen, he put his neighbours cat into a box and took it into the woods. Amongst the life exploding around him in the springtime air, he took the cat, held it roughly on its back and ran the sharpest kitchen knife he could find across its small throat in a single fluid movement. The cat probably had a name. He didn't care. After that, he killed more animals. Taking a life made him feel in control, powerful, almost god-like. Rabbits, a number of different species of birds, guinea pigs, a hedgehog, insects, mice and even a bat found no mercy in his hands. He remembered every single one.

School was beneath him, a zoo full of people he hated. Nobody wanted to be his friend, unsurprising really when given his attitude. He only bothered going because it offered him a good place for observation. He had a plan brewing in his mind, an itch nothing else could scratch. He was going to kill something bigger. Much bigger. 

A skinny boy with black, greasy hair approached his table and looked at him expectantly. Gerard took the hint and removed his headphones, irritated by the interruption. 

"Hey" he said, annoyed 

"I've seen you skating" stated the boy "You're pretty shit" 

"Fuck Off" 

The boys name was Frank. Frank was a strange kid. He had moments when he needed to lie down because sometimes everything feels too much. And he'd look up and see the blue, or the grey, or the black, feel himself melting into it and for a split second feel free and happy. His mum used to be nice, but then she'd divorced his dad and married Tony. Last week Tony had asked if Frank was ever going to get over this 'gay' phase. His mother has pretended not to hear him, because now she had the perfect family, in the perfect neighbourhood, with perfect new born twins. Frank only got in the way, a messed up child from the previous marriage. He hadn't seen his dad since he was eight. He never fitted in, he couldn't settle, so he had had to leave. Frank didn't blame him. At least he sent him a card every single birthday, it made life more bearable knowing he was out there somewhere. Frank thought he understood his dad. He didn't trust people who fit in. Sitting in the canteen, watching a whole table of girls sat furiously tapping on their phones, he wondered what the point of it was really was. The girls were having a conversation with on their phones whilst literally siting next to each other. It drove him crazy. Earlier that week he had had what the councillor called an "episode" and smashed his own phone to bits out of frustration with the modern world. He felt like he was better off without it.  

Frank was new to the school, he'd started last term. He caught sight of the weird kid sat in the corner of the room whilst looking for somewhere to escape from the texting girls. He had heard about Gerard through classmates who went quiet when he walked past and then exploded into speculation about his psychopathy once he was out of earshot. Frank was interested in Gerard because he was a mystery. It also helped that he was very good looking. Just the right amount of awkward to be cute, and just the right amount of stylish to be hopelessly hot. Frank was unashamedly gay, it wasn't something he went around telling people, but he wasn't about to deny accusations either. He had had enough of being ridiculed for it, so had just decided to agree with the bullies and therefore take away all their power. 

The blunt "fuck off" hung in the air between them. Gerard looked at the scrawny boy in front of him and thought he might be interesting to kill. Before either one of them could say anything more, the bell went off, spurring a mass exodus from the canteen. With a cheeky smile, Frank disappeared into the crowd. 

Through the blank grey fog of his emotions, Gerard felt a distant pull towards Frank. It was a dull tug, like a tooth being pulled under local anaesthetic. There was something about him, something he couldn't name that made him want to get up and follow him, find out more about him. He waited outside once school was over, sat on the wall forming part of a decorative raised bed of plants. His mind was whirring, how could he get close enough to Frank to make killing him easy? Friends wasn't enough, there wasn't enough trust there. 

He decided to pretend to fall in love with him. 

After about ten minutes or so Frank appeared, diverging from the trickle of people still leaving the front entrance. He spotted Gerard immediately. 

"Are you waiting for me?" 

"Yeah" 

"Why?"

Gerard shrugged. "Thought you were interesting" 

"You told me to fuck off" There was that cheeky smile again 

"You told me I'm shit at skating" Gerard felt his cheeks starting to burn. This made him very uncomfortable, he didn't understand why it was happening. 

"You are" 

"Shut up" 

"You're blushing" Frank smiled, beginning to blush himself for pointing it out in the boy he now _seriously_ had the hots for. He awkwardly took a space next to Gerard on the wall. Gerard continued to look straight ahead, showing no emotion apart from the scarlet tinge to his cheeks. Frank glanced down "What happened to your hand?" 

"I burnt it." he said looking down at his hand, prematurely aged by thick scar tissue "when in was a kid" 

"Looks painful" 

"It was, very." 

"So...um, I have to get home" Frank started, starting to get up. 

"Where do you live?" 

"Just down the road, near the woods, its a -" 

Gerard interrupted  "That's where I live too, want to walk together?" 

"Sure" Frank was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable. Gerard's monotone conversation and disinterested body language were off-putting. He wondered if the blush hadn't meant anything after all. He felt intimidated by Gerard's good looks and felt inferior somehow.

After fifteen minutes of walking through suburban streets, Frank broke the silence "I don't have a phone" 

"Okay" 

"I smashed it, like, on purpose" Frank tried to get any kind of reaction or even a flicker of interest from Gerard

"Okay" 

"So you can't call me" 

"Okay" Gerard continued looking straight ahead "I don't have a phone either" 

"Really" 

"Yeah" he cleared his throat. "I hate them" 

Frank smiled to himself, suddenly overcome by how attracted he was to this boy, and at the same time kicking himself for falling for what looked like another dickhead who was bound to crush his heart yet again. "Hey" 

"What" 

Frank got in front of Gerard, both stopping him walking and gaining eye contact. "What do you want from me? Why are you being so weird?" 

There was a moment of silence, Gerard blinked slowly. "I think you're attractive" The statement blew Frank away, he couldn't believe it. 

"W-wait, what? You're gay?" 

"Strictly speaking pansexual, but yes" 

"and...you're attracted...to me." 

"Yes" The more he said it, the weirder Gerard was starting to feel. This pretend game was too real, his heart felt strange, a fluttery sensation. He didn't understand it and wanted it to stop. 

"You're not joking are you, trying to humiliate me?" 

"No" The idea made Gerard feel a little sad. Frank saw the feeling flicker across his face, and with it felt reassured. Gerard knew that people that liked each other went on dates. "Do you want to go on a date?" he asked, oddly nervous. "with me" 

Frank face moved between shocked, to afraid and the round to hopeful "yeah that would be great". 

"Cool" Gerard smiled, for the first time in a long time. It hurt his face a little. He felt vulnerable, his body was doing weird things in response to Franks acceptance, and was mentally kicking himself for it. 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 


End file.
